Why the French aren’t as rude as you like to think they are

You probably like to think that you have the French all worked out. Every time you hear or read, ‘The French’, you have your own idea about what that represents. Unless you’ve spent a considerable amount of time in France, studied French, or in fact are, French; there’s a big chance that your idea comfortably rests on a skewed cultural stereotype. You may enjoy France’s fashion, cheese and wine, but you still think they’re rude, arrogant, and pretentious. Different things may have influenced this; maybe it was a friend’s holiday story about their time with an unfriendly Parisian waiter, or maybe it has something to do with how the thieves and mistresses in films always manage to be French. As a society we enjoy stereotypes because they’re cognitively efficient. We find comfort in repetition, and just like we enjoy watching our favourite films again and again, the ‘experiential control’ makes us feel at ease when we know how stories will end. We also find comfort in numbers, creating easy bandwagons. When we travel abroad and discover how other cultures work, our own culture is always our first point of reference. Cultural stereotypes are like accents, they’re always only relative to your own. Since being in France, I’ve encountered some of the funniest and friendliest people I’ve met in my life; and this is why I roll my eyes each time I overhear someone talking about their “cold nature”. When travelling to a foreign country, it’s indispensable in having a basic understanding for that country’s existing norms and values in order to be respectful to its people, and in turn, to be respected; by its people. The catalyst for this rude French stereotype has unquestionably stemmed from unawareness about their rules of social conduct. I am not French, and I will never be French, but I have a good idea about how they work, and this is why I can see both sides to the story. I am merely the observer, the messenger, the ‘cultural translator’ if you like, and this is why I can tell you why the French aren’t as rude as you like to think they are.

The French language is poetic, articulate, and descriptive. Literature is a big part of French culture, and the French feel satisfied by poetic sentiments and beautifully arranged words. The way the French declare their ideas through their language is like everything they do, it’s an artistic expression of who they are. When the French are left to translate how they feel in English, there is a big chance it may be delivered in a what may seem, pretentious manner. If you were to directly translate an everyday informal conversation by the French into English, it would have a certain formality that wouldn’t be required in English. All you have to do is walk past French children who would be using expressions such as “however”, “nevertheless”, and “one would say” in their sentences when they’re trying to explain to their friend why it’s their turn for the swing. When speaking different languages it’s easy to forget that direct translations of words do not always translate with the same cultural connotations. If a French person is using formal expressions with you in a relatively informal environment, there’s a big chance they don’t mean to come across as condescending as you may interpret; it’s merely how they’ve been raised to talk. So before you call the French rude after a conversation with someone in France, remember that their language selection may not have gone through a cultural filter.

Australians have an international reputation of being easy going people, and extremely friendly to even complete strangers. When one of my Parisian friends was in Australia last year, she said that as soon as she arrived to Australia she had never been surrounded by so many ‘happy looking’ people in her life. The French find our friendly and carefree attitude charming, but it can also come off as fake. Anyone that looks happy all the time in France is often questioned on their authenticity and/or ulterior motives. I thought people had a problem with me on my first introductions in France because even though we would faire la bise and talk throughout the night, getting a smile out of them seemed like a near impossible task. On first introductions with the French, just like the Japanese, they respect a certain element of formality rather than a forced empty friendliness. When you first meet a French person, try and avoid personal subjects such as what they do for a living, political views, or where they bought their shoes from; the French prefer broader subjects that don’t instantly pinpoint an individual’s demographic. It’s also important to note that the French don’t see a positive correlation between how many friends they have, and their personal happiness; often unlike in the West. The French do not also see their life as a popularity contest. Friends for the French are made when they’re young, and it’s the ones they keep for life. So before you call the French rude, remember that politeness and friendliness are not the same things in France; and that friendship takes time.

France does not hold the same service culture as it does in many English-speaking countries. I’ve worked at many cafes in Australia, and I know exactly why you may feel hostile towards your French waiter in France. In the Anglo-sphere there is often a very informal and unwarranted familiarity between the server and the customer. When I was waitressing in Australia, I was told to greet the customers with a toothy smile and check on them every 5 minutes like a helpless newborn baby in a cot. In France, if you walk into any preoccupied business space, it is paramount to make some form of polite eye contact and a simple “bonjour”. This is an unwritten yet extremely important convention in France. A degree of formality is required when speaking to anyone you don’t know in France, and this very much extends to your waiter/waitress. If you were to talk to your French waiter/waitress in the same tone and manner as to your best friend, they would feel insulted at your lack of respect.  The French enjoy an element of intimacy when eating with people, therefore the most discreet the service is, the better it is. A Frenchman would not be hesitant in letting their waiter know if there is a problem, unlike an Englishman (who would rather grow a tumour than make a fuss), therefore if you have a problem with your meal in France, don’t wait to be asked. Other things that will hinder a nice dining experience for you in France is if you; try to alter a dish, tell them you’re in a rush, or if you ask for the vegetarian menu. Before you get your phone out to write your aggressive Facebook status and trip advisor comment about “how rude the French are”, try to be aware of these cultural differences, because you’ve already made your bed as soon as you addressed the waiter with a ‘G’day Pierre’.

A Parisian’s sense of entitlement will reach anyone who lives beyond the 20 arrondissements borders of Paris. Just like other big cities in the world, Parisians have a tough city slicker attitude that ensures that their compassion towards others stays at a subpar level. Do not get a Frenchman and a Parisian mixed up. There is even a psychological disorder called ‘Paris Syndrome’ which was started by Japanese tourists who suffered traumatic stress when they visited Paris, when they realised that the amazing city they’d dreamed of for so many years ended up being quite a tough city with unfriendly natives. If you’re visiting Paris, try and rely on your own resources and maps to get around, because although you think asking a Parisian where the Eiffel Tower is isn’t a big deal, remember that they’ve probably been asked the same thing 3 times throughout the day already. Paris can also be a much nicer experience for you if, as I keep mentioning, remember French etiquette. If you’re asking a Parisian for directions and immediately start speaking in English, they will not only find this extremely offensive because of your assumption that “everyone in the world speaks English”, but because your dramatic sense of entitlement is almost challenging their own. If you need to ask for directions in the street anywhere in France and need to speak in English, you must ask them if you can speak English with them first. All you need to say is: “Excusez-moi Monsieur/Madame, vous parlez anglais?”  (Excuse me Sir/Maam, do you speak English?) I will guarantee you that if you firstly formally acknowledge them, and then politely ask if they speak English, it will 100% dictate on how long you stay lost for. So before you call the French rude, don’t ask yourself whether it was because you mistook a Parisian for a tourist guide, but ask yourself if you think it had something to do with your offensive cultural imperialism.

France is a funny country with many conventions and with just as many contradictions. Their fiery Latin blood means they will love and hate with the same passion, and they will infamously tell you their opinion whether it was asked for or not. The French also love to complain about absolutely everything. They’ll tell you when they think it’s too hot, it’s too cold,  it’s too sunny or it’s too windy. My favourite complaints are the ones with the long melodramatic sighs and huffs before them, like *long sigh* “non c’est pas possible” (no it’s just not possible), or, *long sigh* ‘j’ai trop fatigue’ (I’m so tired).  The rude French stereotype created by the rest of the world has been fuelled by tourists disregarding French social etiquette, making both the French and their tourists grow increasingly impatient with each other. In France you very much decide on how you will be treated by others based on your mannerisms, tourist or not. There are rude and kind people everywhere in the world; and remember that what you say about another culture can say more about you, than it does about them.